therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
