so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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