Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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