gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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