omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
