apparently the secret to your success is patron
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
