toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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