I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
