I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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