Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
