why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
