Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
