What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
