i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
