maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
