i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
