for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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