Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
