There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
