His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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