Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
