She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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