she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
