I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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