no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
