I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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