apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
my poor anus
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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