Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Randomize
