I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
