I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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