oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
