Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
