should my penis look like a turkey
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
