one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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