my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Randomize
