I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
