Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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