Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
