what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
