the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I love you. Go after that dick
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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