My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
