I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I don't deserve a penis
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
