After last night, I could never be a politician.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i came on her dog
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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