if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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