break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
