I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
whose parrot is this?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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