there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I had to cum in my sink.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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