His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
