I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
