The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
