you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
